did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
