Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
