Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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