Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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