So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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