thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My bed smells like the plague
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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