I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
