Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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