Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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