Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
