don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
