Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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