He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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