just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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