i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Randomize
