This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I checked into jail on foursquare
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
