dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
cat food counts as protein by the way
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
