yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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