I wanna bring you to show and tell
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Randomize
