whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
