I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she pinky promised me she was 18
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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