Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
