Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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