I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
