No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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