I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
