I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...