Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.