so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital