I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?