I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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