he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
