why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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