my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
me + whiskey = a bad person
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize