I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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