Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
