suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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