he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
