I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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