Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
