nut hugger
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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