it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
