My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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