Got a toothbrush?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
