I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
