how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
