remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize