Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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