Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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