I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
