I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
