I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
