I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
