Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
50% drunk capacity currently
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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