I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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