I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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