what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
