mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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