Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
