so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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