So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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