Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
